Faith Over Fear and the Difference of a Year

One year ago.

One year ago today (24 May) I decided to revamp my blog and start "Inside the Soul of Darkness."  I stepped out of myself today to really take in and wrap my head around the differences of where I was vs. where I am currently.  For me personally, everything I am experiencing right now and where I am is all due to the mercy and love of God.  Now if you don't believe that, that's fine.  But this is my blog and he is my God and very real to me.  It is all because of him that I am where I am today.


One year ago, I had no job (except the small part-time jobs I held to make it by). I often wondered if I'd be able to eat, I lived in constant fear of what would happen financially or physically.  I went through each day just wondering if I'd be able to pay bills or what bills I would have to put off in order to eat.  I suffered from depression and was an emotional wreck. 

One year later, I am gainfully employed by the United States Navy as received a commission as a Naval Officer on 16 April 2010 (HOOYAH!).  I don't wonder if I'll be able to eat (now its just when ha), I don't worry about the future anymore.  That's not only due to the change in my situation, but due to the fact that worrying does nothing but make you age and drive you crazy.  Why worry about things that are out of your control?  Believe and have faith and step forward, for faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see.  I don't worry about paychecks and am slowly trying to repair my financial situation.  I have an awesome roof over my bed, even if all my stuff is still in Colorado, I still get 3 hots and a cot.  I've learned to not let my emotions control me in tough situations and have grown mentally tougher, if you will.  That was most definitely a product of OCS, where many, many times you didn't have time to react to a situation or command.  You had to execute and execute correctly the first time.  Emotions do nothing but cause more problems and waste time. 


In the midst of all that turmoil, it seemed like it would never come to an end.  Now I look back at it and everyday I am in complete disbelief at the opportunity that I've been given with my life.  Standing on the Naval base here and realizing that I have been trusted with great responsibility, and I haven't even begun to scratch the surface yet.  Never would I have thought in college that this is the path that my life would take and yet I get up everyday excited as hell to see what I get to learn and/or see.  I know fully well that I am not out of the clear completely yet.  I know the road I am on currently is one that is very difficult and riddled with storms, but I feel more prepared now in my life than I ever have been, to take on any challenge thrown at me......even learning to fly a plane for the world's greatest military and Navy, and being humble about it at the same time.  


Even when it seems completely bleak and you are by yourself, focus not on what your eyes can see, because even they lie to you.  Focus and take that imaginary step into the future.  Dare yourself to walk forward while thinking positively and slamming out the negative.  D0 that and watch your situation begin to turn around and your mood lighten.  This too shall pass and what awaits you after this trial period is over is much better than you can imagine.  

I look forward everyday to what is going to happen next.  Getting into OCS, getting through OCS, earning my commission, and getting down here to Pensacola were challenges in and of themselves.  I know what awaits me is going to be harder than what I encountered one year ago, and anyone reading this has to understand that.  Getting through one storm or one trial is a good thing, but is there to make you stronger for the next one that will come.  


So now, lets see where I end up one year from today.  I invite you to follow with me and keep a journal of your own path.  Whether you're going through or having a great life, start chronicling your life and its memories.  As cliche as it is, you will be surprised at what a difference a year makes. 


Until next time,


Darkness





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