So when do we buy books??

Sorry I haven't been in here in a bit, it's been a little crazy at work, as my entire department picked up and moved to a totally different building. This was my 2nd move in a month, but hopefully I'll be here for a bit.

I've gotten into the habit of going to the gym at 6 am now, which is awesome. While I was there today, I looked at the newspaper and there was a picture of a girl with like 7 textbooks at Univ. of Denver bookstore. They were talking about book prices (as they do this time every year). I wasn't as concerned about the article as I as with the picture. As everything has lately, it is slowly hitting me that I'm not returning to school, that this isn't an internship anymore and I don't have to worry about packing and leaving. Shouldn't I have realized this before now? Probably. But it's a bit different now. For 5 years, twice (or more) a year, I spent $400 - $650 on books for classes that we sometimes didn't even use. It became a ritual, and then a few days or after welcome week, we would start class and the settling back into the college lifestyle would begin again.

Now, it felt really odd that I don't have to worry about buying books. Honestly my brain was thrown off a bit. It had become so conditioned as a part of my life that now that I don't have to do it, my brain feels like something is wrong. Kind of related in a way, I got a call last week from my lead that I have a performance review coming up. Yeah....I've been here for like a month and some weeks, but I'm getting a review. Ok cool...no big deal. In my company's terms, with the internship time and now, as of this upcoming Sept. 30th, I will have been here for a year. So maybe that's the reason, but otherwise I'm not sure. With the notion of not having to buy books and this "review" coming up, my full-time lifestyle is setting. No longer will I be judged based on grades or projects or papers or will I cram in order to "show" that I know what I'm doing. Now I get a review and my performance is a reflection not only of just myself, but of my colleagues, my team, my department and the company itself. There is alot more riding on this now. At the same time, I don't have to worry about an "honor code" or anything of that nature. Now everyone works together and if you have a great idea and it works, people are happy to pass it on. They won't report me to my professor (boss) for copying like people do in college.

I guess this is all just another big part of my life. The last thing I'm dealing with is uncertainty. All throughout life, we were always conditioned to know what was coming next. From elementary to middle, from middle to high school, and from high school, hopefully to college. There was an order and even while in college, we had a syllabus to tell us what and when stuff was planned. Now, I go to work and do things that I know need to be done, but am not really sure of what will come or happen next. There is no exams to signify the end of the semester and to show that you're moving on. That part of my life now makes me a bit anxious because I have no idea what is going to happen (well, to a point), but I'm along for the ride and it's been good so far, so lets keep it going.

All in all, I guess that's just part of the transition from one point to the next. The uncertainty about the future and the adjustment of working for self to now working for a team, in addition to yourself.