First, I've been waiting a VERY long time to write this next post. Mainly because I've been waiting on some things to fall into place before I wrote it and it had to be the appropriate time in order to deliver it as well. As we begin to close out 2009 and welcome 2010, I can't help but feel 2010 has to be better than 2009 and 2008 combined. I remember NYE 2008 being in Chicago and other people echoing the sentiment that 2008 pretty much sucked. With that, I strolled into 2009 thinking it was going to be different and to be honest, it was, but not in the way that I would've expected.
As cliche as it sounds, it really is amazing how much of a difference just one year makes. I'm not going to recap 2009 as most everyone who reads this already knows the hell and crap I went through on a constant, never-ending basis. However, I can say that I am walking away from 2009 with a greater awareness of myself and what I want out of life. Also having grown stronger in personal areas such as mental and emotional strength, perseverance, fortitude, and better understanding of my faith in God, etc. It was a very tough year and the entire journey is something that I hope I never have to go through in that magnitude ever again. I spent 11 out of 12 months of 2009 in one of the hardest processes that I've ever been through in my life, much tougher than getting into Michigan or Grad School at CU, or any job for that matter. I've never worked harder in my life just to prove that I have what it takes in order to granted a spot in any job or position. This taught me that not only with God is anything possible, but that even in your darkest hour and your weakest point, your goals will keep you motivated to do the unimaginable. I clung to a quote that said "Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about." Truer words have never been said. When I began my application process to the Navy last February, I never in my wildest dreams pictured myself to be getting ready and training in order to leave for Naval Officer Candidate School in another month with the hope of being able to commission and then make my way through Flight School successfully to become a Naval Pilot. *Sidebar: On 24 January is when I start OCS and that is the exact day +/- a day that I lost my job last year.*
That still to this day baffles me and how on earth the Navy decided that I had what it took amongst all the stiff competition I had is beyond me. But I know one thing is for sure.....I'm ready.
My last job left me with a false sense of how things work due to many of the (negative) attitudes that I encountered there. It left me feeling like nothing. My application to the Navy gave me something to grab ahold of and chase the entire time. It was the most ridiculous process ever, but it was worth every minute and second that I poured into it. After a full year of being unemployed and now (*here is the new news*) as I sit here as one of those FINAL SELECTED officer candidates to attend Officer Candidate School, I have had lots and lots of time to think about what exactly I was applying to do and where I wanted to take my life. As I said, I've grown alot in the past 11-12 months and I'm ready to take what I've learned and apply to the new path that I'm getting ready to start running down. My past is exactly that and I'm only looking forward at what is coming.
So what are these things I've come to learn and grow from? Here....
a. NOTHING is EVER guaranteed to you. Nothing.
b. People will smile in your face and stab you in the back at the same time.
c. If you're not happy with the way your life is going, then change it.
d. Don't expect other people to have sympathy or feel bad for you.
e. Showing emotion in certain situations is good, but other times it shows weakness. Be mindful of where you choose to wear your heart on your sleeve.
f. The only person who has your best interests at heart is YOU.
g. Sometimes the only thing you have to hold on to is your will to stay with a goal longer than anyone else.
h. Given the chance, most people (usually not friends) will turn their back on you and throw you under the bus if it means that the heat is taken off them.
i. Don't allow others stupidity or worry to throw you off track.
j. Stop worrying about stuff that is out of your control.
k. Whatever you want out of life, go for it.
l. Anything worth having, is worth working (HARD) for....
That's only a sample but you get the picture. You would think some of these are common sense, but oftentimes its easy to forget and get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, or be swept in by someone with a kind demeanor and nice smile. Everything I've learned and gone through over the past year is now nothing but a testament to the strength that is inside of me to keep fighting for what I believe and what I want, no matter what the odds are.
I definitely know the journey i'm about to embark upon is not going to be one that is easy at all, but I feel much more prepared for the twists and turns that lie ahead now than if I had never gone through this wilderness journey over the past year. So I say all that to say this, the struggle of perseverance can be one hell of battle. As a friend of mine once told me, perseverance doesn't consist of one long journey, but several smaller ones added together. Sticking with my goal and dream of getting into the Navy has been extremely hard but rewarding and I know it will only get harder, but this was the first step in a new direction. Anyone can just up and quit or find something else, but I like the idea of challenging myself and mainly to see just how far I can push myself until I break. There were times when I came deathly close to breaking, but I had to just keep going. Hour by hour, day by day, week by week, and month by month. By no means am I all good or out of the woods yet, but as I said, my journey as I begin to look and move forward is made that much easier by the experiences I have now under my belt to fall back upon. Use your past experiences to make you stronger but don't latch onto them so hard that they cause you to freeze.
You'll only truly know what you're made of and how much you can take until you're taken out of your comfort zone and forced to adapt to something that you're not used to at all. ONLY UNTIL THAT POINT, will you really know how much you can handle and how much you're willing to just push through.
We will see how much more I can handle and if I have the cajones to continue to push through these next upcoming months....
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year.
Until 2010....
Darkness
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