A subtle realization

Edit: This is a long post...but bear with me, as alot was going through my head this weekend.

Now that I'm moving into 4th week of work and being here almost a month, things are starting to sink in very subtly and it's usually when I'm doing something completely unrelated. Well this past weekend, I got a chance to go rafting down the Royal Gorge (http://www.whitewater.net/images/shot_of_day_royalgorge.jpg) for the 4th time and in between rapids and looking around at the awesomeness of Colorado landscape, wheels started turning in my head.

Oh and I'll post pictures of our boat "maximizing the splash" and going through some of my favorite rapids such as Sunshine Falls, Sledgehammer, Wall Slammer, Spikebuck Rapids, Three Rocks (where I got thrown out), and Boat Eater.

Anyways, as I was saying, it is starting to sink in that I'm actually here and this is my life. Now yes, I've been here for a month and I should realize that, but certain things about it still don't seem real. My job for example, in essence, I still feel like I'm an intern and that I'll be leaving at the end of the summer. But while floating down the Arkansas River with adrenaline pumping at full blast, I realized that this is the real thing now. Yes, I know that careening down a river, going through Class IV and V rapids shouldn't really have you thinking about your life and work, etc., but in between the chaos and trying not to fall out (again), it gave me a chance to reflect on some stuff.

As an intern, during the past 3 summers previous, I was given certain projects and things and i was able to contribute to the programs I was working on with my colleagues. I had a sense of "I actually contributed" or "I was in charge of that area of testing." But, I never really had a thorough understanding of how my work went into the entire test phase and integration of the two spacecrafts as a whole. Now, being here as a full-time employee, the tables have turned a little bit. I am now (or at least people are referring to me) the EPDS Test Engineer. Basically what that means is that for the spacecraft that we are going to be building, integrating, and testing for the next year or so, I am in charge of the entire Electrical Power System. I am the "Power guy." I'm sure you're thinking or maybe not, but at least I thought, big deal right? It's just a title. It didn't really occur to me until this weekend what my position really means when I talked to the guy who is the I&T (Integration & Test) manager (and a good mentor to me). He told me that I am the person who knows not only the entire specifics of powering the spacecraft on and off, but I know where every signal goes, when it supposed to be there, the telemetry that comes out, how things move, etc, etc. I also learned that when our project launches, I'll be in California at Vandeburg AFB (I mentioned this earlier) as the front man running the power system.

Now why does this seem like a big deal? Well, I thought that only older or senior/project engineers would get to do this. I'm essentially the youngest person in the I&T group and to be put in charge of an entire subsystem of a spacecraft is huge. Anything that goes right or wrong with the power system is my responsibility. I am in charge of almost 6000W of power running through the spacecraft at any point in time and I have to know where that power is going to and if it is too much or too little. Every connection, every signal, every cable connector, and each piece of hardware that pertains to EPDS is my responsibility. So as my boat went powering through Sledgehammer rapid this past weekend, I realized this and said, "Wait...I'm in charge of what?!!?"

The point is, is that I am now a part of something much bigger than I ever thought I'd be a part of. (yeah i know I just ended a sentence with a preposition, sue me.) It's not just a "project" for school anymore where I get graded or if i don't do my part, then we get delayed a bit and get some points taken off. If I don't do my part, I will make not only myself look unreliable and not responsible, but even worse, I'll make my team and my manager and my company look bad to our customers. Without a properly running power & distribution system, our satellite is no more than a giant metal box with some cool shit attached to it.

Wow. This is big. I've never stepped down from a challenge though and I'm sure as hell not gonna start now. There will be ups and downs, but I'm ready for it. I'll keep everyone updated on the progress of it all too.

And off topic, out of 6 rafting trips, I have never been thrown off the boat until this weekend. It wasn't even in the middle of a rapid, it was after....in a calm shallow section when our boat hit a small rock and tossed me and my friend Pam, who was behind me, into the water.

This weekend was amazing! In one way, it was because I love rafting and the trip was sweet and the other in how it made me realize just how big and important my part is in relation to the project as a whole.

I'm excited to see what exactly the next year has in store for myself and my job.