Ghosts Appear and Fade Away

Remember as kids when you would sit down in school and draw or write about what you wanted to be when you grew up?  I remember that day very well.... mostly because my dream hasn't changed at all.  It is exactly the same at 25 as it was at age 8.  There is this quote I heard and I agree with half of it.  It says that life is supposed to be about the journey and not just the destination, but I can't help but feel like establishing a/the destination is just as important as the journey.

Everyone has their own goals and dreams for what they would like to accomplish in life, or where they see themselves at or doing at X years old. I know I did this for myself.....I never thought during college that I'd be where I am at 25 or be getting ready to embark upon Naval Officer Candidate School in a month or two either.  Although the ultimate goals for my life remain the same, I've had to take a different approach towards them.  I never understood why people become complacent about their dreams/goals and seemingly just give up on what they ultimately want to be or do.  Now don't get me wrong, there are those who actually have legitimate reasons for having to find a new dream/vision due to life circumstances or others things that come their way that are for the most part unavoidable.  However, I'm addressing the majority of people who just quit and give up.... those with no real reason other than "I got lazy."  Because that is ultimately what it comes down to most times.  You can agree or disagree, but this is my blog and I'm putting things from my perspective whether you agree or not.

I always seem to hear the following when it comes to people giving up on their goals: "It's to hard, I lost interest, Eh, I don't know, its too much work, f*ck that, this is easier, i'm lazy" etc.  Yes, I very well know that everyone has different mindsets and motivations for doing things and not doing things as well, but if you have a dream, doesn't it behoove you to do whatever it takes to get to that dream?  Isn't that half of the satisfaction of knowing that you busted your ass to get to your dream?  Why take the easy way out?  Even if I NEVER make it in the astronaut program, I know i worked my living butt off to do whatever I could do to try to make it happen.  I know that throughout it all, I never gave up and did everything that was in MY CONTROL to make it happen.  Doing everything you can do reach your goals and THEN stopping because you have exhausted every resource, network, contact, route possible is much different than quitting because you didn't have the cajones to finish what you started.

A bit of background on me...ever since I was about 8 years old, I've had the vision of one day being able to work alongside other astronauts in space as a mission specialist or maybe be on a long duration mission to Mars.  I've held onto this dream and protected it with all I had, and even at times, it's been the one primary source of motivation for me.   I've been told, to my face many times, that "I would never graduate from Michigan, never make it in the real world, everything I do will be a failure, I'd never get into Michigan or get a job after it, that I'm nothing but a failure, that my family is nothing but a failure, that I am crazy for trying to do something so "out there", i'm nothing but a dumb (insert N-word)", and you get the picture.  Thats just the verbal resistance, I'm not gonna even get into all the shit that happened during college and in grad school that i guarantee about 95% of you have NO idea even happened.  Anyways, for some reason, people seem shocked and surprised when I tell them that that is what I want to do and that I will do WHATEVER it takes to even have the chance to apply to the astronaut program.  There have been MULTIPLE chances when I could've just given up due to circumstances around me or because of what people were saying to me.   Had I done that, who knows where the hell I'd be, however, I know that I would never forgive myself if I had let it get to me and given up.  It's so easy oftentimes to take the easy way out and just quit when it gets"too hard" and to let all the everyday day-to-day (yes I know thats redundant...I did that on purpose) bullshit get to you and get you off track.  Many times its hard to see the final destination, or the next destination for that matter when you're in a cloud of fog and it seems like nothing is going like it should be at the time.  My short-term goal has been getting into the Navy.  I can now say that I am pretty damn close to fulfilling that goal and heading off to Officer Candidate School here pretty soon.  I am extremely proud of that and has yet again verified to me that nothing is impossible or out of reach.  The road has definitely not been easy and I'm sure any other person who has traveled the same road to gaining a slot as I have over the past 13 months with the Navy would agree.  It has been a mentally, physically, and emotionally demanding and challenging journey up to this very point.  Having to learn to wait for days, weeks, and months on end for one gate to clear only to come up to an even bigger one has been nothing short of irritating, agonizing, frustrating, and exciting all at the same time.  The amount of work on my end that it has taken to just get to my current position and status has been exceedingly HUGE.  I have never done more to get a "job" in my entire life but this whole process has grown me as a person and kept me focused.  Throughout this time, if you've had the chance to read previous posts, I've been bombarded with outside distractions, events, situations, etc. that at any point could've caused me to lose focus and ultimately sacrifice everything that I've worked so hard for up to now.

So going back to the "life is about the journey not a destination" thing.  I really believe that if you have no destination, then your journey is basically pointless.  Its like wandering through a cornfield with no real plan or map or knowing how to get out.  Having a destination (read: goal/dream/vision), no matter how lofty you or anyone thinks they are, is how you set your life's journey apart.  The journey is part of the fun yes, but mostly its the building up part of life.  This journey, I guarantee, will be filled with huge mountains, low valleys, cracks, loose rocks, large obstacles, mooses (is that the plural for moose?), and whatever else decides to blindside you on a tuesday afternoon.  These impossible it seems at the time obstacles will help to build your confidence and your determination in reaching your goal.  Remember that setting the goal is only 1/4 of the battle, however, getting there and going through hell fire, deep water, raining asteroids and nuclear bombs to get to the next plateau is what will really test your fortitude and perseverance.  There are only a handful of people who are willing to work to do what it takes to get through that stuff....unfortunately for many, the first sign of resistance = time to give up and do something else/take the easy way out.   Now please understand I'm not attacking anyone or judging anyone, but if you think that, then maybe its because I'm hitting a bit too close to home.

Don't let the day to day crap storm deter you from what is the most important in your life....whatever it happens to be.  I'm not going to lie, if you choose to suck it up and go down the tough road, its going to suck.  It's going to suck super hard at times, and not in the good way.  There are days when you will hate life and hate everything and everyone around you.  You will feel upset, sad, depressed, and like you are just spinning your wheels along the road of life.  But don't give up.  As cliche as it sounds, my parents have always told me "If it was hard, then everyone would be doing it" and I definitely believe that ANYTHING worth having is worth working for, no matter the cost to myself or otherwise.  I may have my down days, but I am one of the most determined people you will meet.  If you tell me I "can't do it" or "no", be prepared for me to work that much harder to prove you wrong.  I've done it in the past and continue to do it everyday and I don't do it to show people up, but I do it to prove to myself that I have what it takes to continue and move to the next level.  Sometimes our biggest critics and biggest obstacles are ourselves.

As I said, its very easy to lose focus with having to run here and pick up this, drop off that, do this, go do that, work this out, finish this up, get this fixed, slap these around, read this, and whatever else.  I personally put up reminders that I know I'll see everyday that keep my focus/goal in my mind every day.  I put stuff in my phone, on my wall in my room, in my car, in my gym bag, on facebook, and on my laptop.  These help me remember that no matter what happens everyday, that there is an end goal in mind and that I HAVE to keep pushing.  I refuse to let my situations around me dictate my future.....I am in control of what happens and I ultimately am responsible.  I also refuse to be complacent and settle for 2nd or 3rd best or something else just because I was afraid of hard work.

Think about your goals and dreams?  Are you doing EVERYTHING you can to try to get yourself on track towards them, as much as you can?  Or did you quit on yourself and settle for something a bit easier?  If you look at your life, are you happy with where you are and where you are going?  If so, congratulations, you are a minority in this world.  If you're not happy, and you don't like where you are, only YOU can change that. Be proactive and go after what you want and keep going until you reach the next step.  Had I given up at the first bit of resistance, who knows where or what I'd be doing right now, but i for damn sure know I wouldn't be where I am right now.  So this goes one of two ways, focus on the short and long term goals and use those to motivate yourself and do what it takes to make it or stay complacent, accept defeat and apathy, and end up with mediocrity.

I leave you with a quote from my favorite song right now.  It's by Kid Cudi's "Man on the Moon" album.  The song is called "Pursuit of Happiness." I definitely encourage you to go listen to this song if you haven't heard it yet. If you don't know me by now, I connect alot with music and use it as motivation as I oftentimes tie the lyrics to things going on in my own life. The chorus is something that I feel is very true and can help anyone through anything.  So again, look at the lyrics and what they might mean to you if anything. This song will mean something different for everyone and may not mean a damn thing for some, but i really feel like its lyrics hit home a bit....find it on youtube and give it a listen.

"I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know, everything that shine aint always gonna be gold.  I'll be fine, once I get it.....I'll be good" 


Otherwise until next time....


Darkness

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