A Re-Introduction of Sorts...

If you're reading this, welcome to the first post of my somewhat new blog. I decided it was time for me to update my blog and I wanted a completely new look, feel, theme, whatever. I am still playing with the layout so things may change some until I am completely happy with what I have, but for now, this works and I'm cool with it. The overall redesign was brought about after a 6 mile run last week and thinking about the things going on in my life and how my life has changed in the past year and over the course of the past 6 months or so. This first post will explain the changes and what I hope readers will get from my blog and its new contents.

My last post was from August 2008 and told of some difficulties I was having at work and other stuff going on in my life at that time. I never had an inkling that my life would basically be turned upside down 5 months later. To bring everyone up to speed, I was laid off towards the end of January 2009. I lost my job on the same day as several thousand other Americans. From that point to this present day, my life has been a constant struggle and seemingly endless uphill battle. Dealing with the financial complexities of unemployment, the emotional battle, the physical and mental games that you go through have been exhausting to say the least. There were days when I would cry because I didn't know where to turn or what was going to happen next. It's a dark place and oftentimes seemed as if no one understood or anyone else was going through the pain and difficulties that I was experiencing. I am sure someone reading this has experienced, maybe to a greater or lesser degree, some of what i described above due to a layoff or other burdening situation. I sympathize with those who have been through this or are maybe still experiencing it as I am currently. But, that is not the point of this post and that will definitely be another post one day.

During the course of my unemployment, I've had the opportunity to do ALOT of thinking. Thinking about my life, where I'm going, how I'm going to readjust my current course so that it will still somehow align with my future goals, etc., but just many hours spent thinking while in Borders, IHOP, my apartment, running, in the gym, or anywhere I could go to clear my head and just think. I realized that my life is changing whether I want it to or not and I am going to have to re-adjust some things or succumb to eventual failure. First, was that I fell back on my religion and God. I started to put him as my priority and giving God control of my life and showing faith instead of fear and doubt. I knew that I was going to have to have start thinking about myself as far as what was best for me; with that came some realizations that will be covered later.

So what does all of this have to do with the change in content and the new blog? Well this was part of the above realization. I wanted to start capturing and "teaching" if you will, things that I've learned not only about myself but about life in general over the course of the past several months. I also want to begin to share my experiences, struggles, and achievements. The beginning of this will mainly focus on what I've learned while being unemployed, but as I move forward, more focus will be put on how to learn from life as it twists, turns, and throws wrenches at you in every way, shape, and form. Experiencing this as a twenty-something has especially been tough and my hope is that maybe someone will learn something or be inspired from my ramblings. Or maybe find that they're not alone and not the only ones getting fisted by life at times. I'm not calling myself a teacher or poet or "deep", I just feel like maybe someone out there can benefit from what I've gone through, am going through, and will go through.

So, the theme/layout of blog I felt fit my new title. With the help of various friends (special thank you to Shilpin Mehta and Julie Smith), I arrived at a title that I felt fit what I wanted my blog to bring across. The title is a play on words. My nickname, thanks to Brandon Goy, has usually been "Darkness" and the title "Inside the Soul of Darkness" is meant to portray my raw thoughts (the mind), emotions (the heart), and beliefs, which all encompass the soul aspect. Darkness itself can take on many definitions and connotations and I felt while I am on the verge of some new life decisions, I am blind as to what is going to happen or where I'm going. Coupled with my subtitle of "A Journey of Discovering and Becoming", my title and this blog are meant to chronicle not only the journey and perspective of "Darkness" but the expedition into and out of the soul and heart of darkness. Do with that what you will.....as I said darkness can be defined in many ways, so hopefully that made sense.

Altogether, this is me. This is it. Hopefully now you have an understanding of where I am and why I decided this was necessary. I also hope that you'll keep reading as I attempt to update this. I find that if I put myself on a schedule of doing it weekly or bi-weekly, it won't get done. So I'm going to update this as I have thoughts about certain things, so there's no regimented schedule.

If you've read this long, thank you. I hope my above rambling made sense and you'll keep reading, live vicariously through me, and who knows maybe learn something along the way.

Until next time....

Darkness

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